Family Life for Dignity in Hospitals

I chatted to a good friend on the phone this morning. We hadnt spoken for a while and I didnt realise she had been in hospital over Christmas. No decorations, no warmth. She was not asked once during her stay how she was feeling. Tests, scans, technology but no warmth or human connection.

My friend spent a lot of time in hospital as a child and has negative and difficult memories about the things that went on there. Go to a childrens' ward now and you will find colour, toys, smiles and maybe even joy. The wards were opened up to families and were transformed because love entered and the care giving teams became partners and allies in the care and healing of both the children and their families.

Maybe the only way to bring real dignity and compassion to the lives of older people in hospitals is to mimic this change - throw open the doors and embrace family life. Knowing that Bill with dementia is a dad, a grandad, a widower and a gardener may just be the only way that Bill will be known and his real presence will be felt.

When I was 5 I had an operation in the local hospital. I remember so clearly holding back the tears, burying my head in the pillow as my mum walked out when visiting hours were over. This crushing loneliness and isolation is what is experienced by so many of our elders in wards up and down the country.

Can we create a new, family oriented reality? can hospitals re-discover their roots - places of hospital - ity?

Add your comments on what it will take to meet our elders with dignity.

Andy

Heartfulness

Just back from my regular Monday night meditation group (Hove Zen and Mindfulness group). We took some time to talk and listen and the idea came up of Heartfulness. The focus on cultivating greater presence and ability to be 'in the moment' without judgement through the practice of Mindfulness has recieved a great deal of mainstream attention in the UK in recent months - the most high profile example probably being the breakthrough report Be Mindful(i cant get the link to work for some reason but go to the Be Mindful website if interested) that has led to deep change in the thinking around support for folks with a range of Mental Health issues.

So, I wonder what Heartfulness would create - maybe something like empathy, sensitivity, generosity, compassion, unlimited love, joy. My lovely friend Jackie who is helping us at Frameworks 4 Change to think about 'Well Being' has such strong intention around this open hearted way of life.

Dheeresh, our meditation teacher had just spent the weekend wondering about the subject of 'How to be kind' with a group of meditators.

All of this is telling me that the work we are thinking about must place the heart firmly at its centre....of course, where else could it be?! Lovely!

I would love to hear what the idea of heartfulness makes you feel or think

Andy

What Makes for a Good Life?

I met Barbara at a conference about advocacy a couple of weeks ago. Barbara volunteers to be an advocate for a young woman with learning disabilities - she does this because she is unsettled, she knows that all is not well in this young woman's life, she feels compelled to be there.

Barbara very kindly sent me a book and a letter following our meeting - I commend it to you because it is thought provoking and layered. 'People with Intellectual Disabilities; Towards a Good Life' by Kelly Johnson, Jan Walmsley and Marie Wolfe.

Martin Seligman, a leading light in positive psychology who wrote Authentic Happiness ends his book by reflecting on three kinds of life - the pleasurable life, the good life and the meaningful life and wonders if happiness at a deeper level is derived from a life imbued with meaning - some of the features being around awareness, contribution, compassion, and self development.

I am noticing that the models and schemas that have been deployed, largely by non disabled people to transform the lives of those who live with learning disabilities may serve more to re-inforce the separation than to create something new and good, something than means each unique life is respected.

In the UK we are urged to 'Value People Now'.

Barbara is doing this as she seeks to know what a good life is for one woman who lives nearby. Barbara has assets, she is articulate, curious and energetic. She is adding meaning to her own life by asking questions about the life of this young woman.

Perhaps this is the only way to really know that you are valued - when people want to be with you, to know and understand you, to figure out what a good life looks, sounds and feels like for you. Some of us are blessed by this kind of life - reciprocity and exchange. Many are not.

Thankyou to Barbara for her kindness and refusal to accept a life in which people who share the place she lives are expected to settle for something less than a good life.

Andy

Farewell to the Man of Peace

Today, I was very thankful to share the celebration of the life of a man I knew who died last week. His family spoke lovingly of the way in which their own character had been shaped by this man - patience, stillness, a powerful ability to be fully in each moment, awe and wonder of nature and the elements - no grasping or need to acquire things. Dad summed it up when he said that Andy taught him to just be.
What better lesson?
With heart,
Andy

Free School

Today i learnt something that will change the way i teach forever. I learnt to trust my instincts and to allow space for the group i was working with to be both the teachers and the learners.

Jackie and i created the space,the energy and a sense of adventure. The people who had never taught created something new and beautiful and they shared their wisdom and their gifts. The people of Gettalife embodied togetherness and they listened and appreciated each other and we danced to round off the day. Oliver and Christine swayed and rocked to Lean on Me and we followed their every move.

One teacher is never enough.

To learn to be together we must all be seen as both teacher and student.

andy

Knowing You Matter

Will all older people who are in care environments know that they matter?

We have made a film which places compassion, kindness and respect at the heart of care. Older people spoke bravely and honestly on the film about what they feel, and think and about their stories. The response to the film has included:-

A young woman said she would spend more time with her Granny and would tell her how much she admired her
A 79 year old woman wanted to know how she could volunteer
A University researcher organised her own screening
A national campaigning organisation want to help to make the film core to the worker induction in every care home

Universal human needs are simply expressed in the film. I hope that the impact is felt by people and their families. I hope that people can end their days with a feeling of peace, knowing they matter.

Andy

The Togetherness Walk and Roll

i am imagining quiet power in the intention to walk together...a warm welcome, a walk and roll in silence, a celebration of each other.
tea and cake and emerging connection to ourselves and each other.
Simplicity.
Community.
Belonging.
Hope.
Love.
Kindness.
Solidarity.
Compassion

all can be expressed through silence.

There has been too much noise.

I long for a gentle togetherness - a kind of quiet magic in our shared being.

Andy